(A butterfly we found at Big Bend National Park)
This post is going up a few hours late. Because I’m writing it this morning. Because a lot has been going on and I spent all weekend desert camping and I’ve been a little preoccupied.
Preoccupied Courtney does some pretty interesting things. Like forgetting things she’s supposed to pack when desert camping. Like mailing letters without postage (which results in their return, in case you’ve never done that). Like forgetting my coffee I JUST made. Like going out to work and leaving all of the work stuff on the kitchen table and arriving with nothing but the car keys.
I don’t tell you all of this in hopes that you will excuse my lateness. In fact, I’m not even asking for forgiveness. This is just where I’m at right now, my days crammed full and my mind even fuller. I’ll still write. You can still read. We can still be friends. :)
I used to be pretty bad about beating myself up. I would torture myself, call myself names, and be generally unkind in my inner-monologue. I was far, far meaner to myself than I ever was to anyone else.
I also wasn’t very happy.
What is your inner-monologue like? Do you ever listen to it? I remember the first time I learned about it, the first time I paid attention to the silent part of me that was always talking, always processing information and making notes and critiquing and shouting. I was 15 and it was like someone had thrown open the doors and windows and let the light in for the first time.
Your brain is always going. You are always thinking. Do you hear your thoughts, or do you just have them? More importantly, have you noticed how you talk to yourself?
A funny thing happened when I started paying attention to my inner-monologue. I didn’t like what I was hearing, so I began to change it. I began being far kinder to myself, far more patient and forgiving and understanding. The thing is, when I stopped being so hard on myself, I also had more patience and kindness and forgiveness for other people.
I have a type-A personality. I am not touchy-feely. I don’t like hugs. I am not the kind of person who innately knows how to comfort someone else. In other words, I’m not especially wired to be compassionate. I am more in the camp of ‘call me if you need someone to smack you in the face and tell you to get over it’.
But as I’ve learned to be kind to myself, I’ve also learned how to be kind to others. It was an unexpected gift that I found I had, suddenly, ready to share. I’ll probably never be a bleeding heart, and I’m more than okay with that (pull yourself together) – growth is growth, and that should never be undervalued.
So listen to your inner-monologue. Hear what you are actually thinking about, actually saying to yourself. Are you being kind to yourself?
It’s only 11 more days until the release of ‘Inteneration’, the next installment in ‘The Empyrean Series’! For updates like content teasers, sneak peeks at the stroller cover art, and more, please find me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/cmcoxauthor .
Also, I have a giveaway happening on Instagram! Find me @cmcoxwrites and enter to win a paperback copy of ‘Dyad’, the first installment in ‘The Empyrean Series’.