A lot of people speculated that the world would end in 2012. Clearly, we’re still here, so that didn’t happen. However, for me, there was something of a ‘world’s end’ in 2012.
Two years ago tomorrow, Micah died.
It was strangest, perhaps, because it was the first huge event in my life that I could not reconcile for the life of me. It made me fling open the closet of my beliefs and try each item on, “Is this still true? Is this one still right? Is this still something I can believe?”
It’s hard to face things when you feel stripped of answers.
In high school, there was this huge push in the home school community I was a part of to manufacture a ‘solid world view’ in young people. At the time, it seemed great. Go and discuss big issues and figure out how you believe. Then, when faced with things, you understand how they fit into your world view.
However, the problem is that it created a system so fused together, so inflexible, that when something occurs that truly doesn’t fit into the world view I studied to take on as my own, I feel like I have to throw the whole thing away – instead of just the part that didn’t fit.
I’ve had to learn that not all things fit into a ‘world view’. I’ve learned that there is a difference between accepting something and forcing it to fit.
I had no place in my mind to file this event. I had no tools with which to dismantle this tragedy so I could sort it, tag the pieces, and let it sit in the storage space of memories.
I’ve had to learn that in a society of answers, sometimes there are none.
Life happens at an incredible rate of speed. Having a consciously-constructed world view is nice, easier, efficient, and natural. World views are helpful for processing daily life. However, venturing out of our world views is also productive. Accepting events without needing to completely understand them is its own kind of strength and intelligence. Learning how to communicate with others who do not share your world view is both productive and forward-thinking; but it won’t happen if you are surrounded only by people who think the same way you do.
Opening your mind does not mean compromising who you are, or the ideas, beliefs, and morals to which you cling. The core of who I am did not change. The core of what I believe has not changed.
My mind has.
And I’m a better person for it.