Floors: My Nemesis


I wear house-shoes because floors upset me.

1) I don’t want anything stuck to my foot. Ever.
2) Floors are never clean, no matter how hard I work, and that makes me angry.
3) I don’t want to step in anything unexpected (even had a puppy or a small child in your home? Then you know what I’m talking about).20130818-191737.jpg(Our floors, our hand-broom, and my house shoes)

In my ideal world, our house would be swept twice a week. Sometimes, we make that goal. A lot of times, we don’t. Sometimes we’re so busy, that I stop to sweep only after I notice that it no longer seems we are tracking stuff into the house – we have actually begun tracking stuff out of it. Yikes.

I ask you, how can two people and one small dog make that much mess? How is it even possible that I need to sweep twice a week?

But the worst part is, I can spend a long time cleaning the floors, sweeping and mopping them, moving all the furniture. And then, just after the floor has dried, I find something else on the floor. A single blade of grass. An escaped dust bunny. A tiny pebble.

I swear it’s plotting against me.

I dream of a day when the floors are part robot, and suck the mess down into themselves. It will just eat the dirt and pebbles and blades of grass, and dust bunnies will no longer exist. It will be beautiful.

Until then, don’t look at my floors. I hate them.


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